Coping with a Miscarriage-What to expect!
After I got married, I wanted to have a baby, for myself, for the society that never stops asking questions. I just wanted to be a mother more than the wife or a daughter in law. So I came to know I am pregnant a few months after my wedding and I was over the moon with joy! We were overjoyed and even planned for the nursery color and shopping and so many dreams!
Few weeks into conception and I started bleeding…Little did I know that it’s a miscarriage. My first child was no more and I was left alone with the grief and sadness that nobody understood that time. I was unsure and did not know about coping with miscarriage and my situation.
I had everyone by my side but I needed somebody to hold me and say, its okay mama, it doesn’t make you less than a mom! I learned to cope with it, but it took so much time. Grief is lessened and I have two kids now but still, whenever the topic of abortion or miscarriage comes up, I am shattered to my core!
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Do you know that more than 20% of pregnancies end up in miscarriages so just trust me, that you are not alone in coping with miscarriage? There are millions of women out there who face the same. Well, if somebody asks me what advice I would like to give to my younger self, or any woman out there who recently had a miscarriage or going to have, I would put these in following words;
Miscarriage is not your fault;
Yes, stop treating yourself like rubbish and acknowledge the fact that miscarriage is something that happened to you. You were not the one responsible for that. You didn’t control that so stop punishing yourself for this loss. Be strong, keep your head up and don’t let anybody tell you it’s your fault, because it isn’t! I know it’s the hardest part, blaming yourself but it is a part of coping with miscarriage. Hang in there!
Don’t expect the same reaction from your spouse
You are the mother of the child you lost, your husband isn’t! So stop expecting that he is gonna cry or feel sad or end up rolling himself in a blanket. He will not do that because men always show grief in weird ways. They wouldn’t cry like women but deep inside they feel everything. So let’s not make this a competition that who is more sad who is less! Support each other!
When to try for another baby after a Miscarriage?
It entirely depends on your emotional and physical state. Ask your gynae and take advice and follow what she says. Take your time and don’t push your limits. Talk with your partner and ask what he thinks about this. Your doctor could tell you better and you will get to know when you are ready! Don’t overthink and give yourself coping with miscarriage because it is going to be okay mama!
Seek out for support
Don’t be a shy teenage girl and ask for help whenever you need it. Be it from your friends, your husband, your family or even meeting a mental health specialist. You know what you need. And there is no shame in asking for help.
When will the grief end?
Probably never! The loss of your child, no matter how many weeks or months into conception is what nothing could ever fill, for mothers. But don’t worry, you will get over it and will learn to live again. It will take time. Some women overcome it quicker than others, some keep on coping with their miscarriage for years, but that doesn’t make you a bad mommy. Everyone is different and unique, so are you!
Are you coping with miscarriage and need support?
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Loads of love,
Saima Nadeem
I still remember it was 8.08.2014
I am just going through my 6th miscarriage.. has 3 before my daughter and 3 after. It doesnt get any easier and each time i grieve just the same if not more. It is important to have support from loved ones and friends at this time as its a lot of hormonal disturbance too.. with ur hormones coming back down to their original levels. Miscarriage is a physical and mental trauma that only ALLaH gives the reward for. May we all find peace in know that our children will wait for us on judgment day and even when the mother is destined for the throes of hell, the child will pull its mother on its umbilical cord and ask ALLaH to give them their mother that they couldnt have in this dunya.