We were walking to the nearby store today, by “we” I mean me and my kids 🙂
Me, being a super conscious mommy, hold my kid’s hands always when they are outside. Once I lost my son in a mall and still, I remember those horrible moments. So I am overprotective kind of mom in this matter. Well, so we were just going there and my son just left my hand and told me in a firm tone that,
“mama, see I am a big boy because I go to washroom on my own and I go school on my own and I even eat dinner by myself so I can walk on my own too”
That was sweet but it hit me so hard. My mommy’s heart skipped a heartbeat and I forced a big smile and instantly while my eyes were filled with tears but I didn’t cry. Could you imagine how difficult that was 🙂
But you know the reason was not that he didn’t listen to me or he may get hurt, instead, the feeling that he is growing up so fast and he doesn’t even need my hand to support him made me cry. I was not expecting this to happen so soon, he is like 6 years old and it feels like all those past years were gone in the blink of an eye. I am all in tears writing this right now because the feeling is still fresh. Maybe I get used to it but right now, its hard.
We give birth to these cute babies, we feed them, we change their diapers full of poop and stay all night trying to make them feel good. These tiny babies sleep on our chests and we carry them every time. We plan each and everything of our lives according to them. Whether it’s going shopping or playdates or vacations or meeting a friend… its all about the babies we give birth to.our children! We cry when they cry and we laugh when they laugh.
But then we face the phase when we have to leave the kids in their rooms while they sleep.. And we don’t hold them for all night. The cribs are gone and beds come over. Instead of folding their tiny bodies in onesies, we give them baby blankets..our babies grow before we even know it <3
I know, there are people out there who tell me that’s okay and that’s how every mother feels but right now this is happening to me and I have never felt it before. My little boy doesn’t need me as he needed me before. He doesn’t want me to hold his hands while we are outside..he doesn’t want me to kiss him in front of his friends… he doesn’t want me to help him in showering or toilet. That’s how they grow!
I used to be the mommy who desperately wanted some “me” time. Complaining about dirty home and crayons on the floor…missing the meetups and feeling bad…not showering for days and not combing hair every day… piles and piles of guilt…but now when my kids are giving me free time
How wonderful is this motherhood… you hate your busy life for one moment and love it to the core the second moment….you wanna kick everyone out of the house one day and miss your kids when they are at school the other day… how sweet and how beautiful is this feeling.
So today when he refused to hold my hand, I felt it for the first time but I know I am gonna feel it for the millions time later. When he won’t ask me for a kiss on his knee after falling down in the park… when he won’t need a push on his bicycle… when he won’t need me to clean up his mess..but I know I will be strong enough to deal with that and I will be there always for him no matter he needs me or not.
Because you just cannot stop loving and missing your kids, whatever happens. How many times they failed or hurt you or go anywhere
For every mommy who has ever felt this… or about to feel this… a big hug… <3
Lots of love,
Just A SUPER TIRED MOM